Beached As Whale in New Zealand

Here’s an Australian bit of fun, at the expense of New Zealand Maori and Scottish idioms. A blue whale gets stranded on a beach somewhere in New Zealand. A pelican comes along for moral support. The ensuing conversation is an opportunity to explore the idioms of North Island and South Island New Zild. The video was posted on YouTube in April and has had 921,573 visits.

Beached As Whale

A few words of explanation. For some reason New Zealanders tend to have a flattened short ‘i’, which Australians hear as the short ‘u’. So fish and chips in New Zealand tones is heard in Australia as fush and chups. Likewise the short ‘a’ is flattened so that ‘sweet as’ is heard in Australia as ‘sweet ez’. The use of the words ‘bro’ and ‘eh’ is a strong part of New Zealand Maori English. Here the blue whale appears to speak Maori English with a Scottish accent – making bro sound like brew. Obviously the Australian team are mixing in the Scottish brogue from the South.

Click on the image below to play the video in YouTube (HD)


Oh oh no. Oh no. I’m beached bro. I’m beached as.
Hey bro. Oh hey bro
What are you doing bro?
Dude I’m beached as
Oh shit you’re beached as!
Tell me something I don’t know
Bro you’re heaps beached eh!
So beached. Beached as!
Want a chip bro?
As in a chup?
Yeah a chip.
A potato chup?
This one a chip. A chup.
I would bro but I don’t eat chups.
Well that’s shit.
I only eat plankton
Can’t chew bro
Just try a chip bro
Ah well I can’t chew.
Just try a chip bro.
You don’t understand, I might look big, but I can’t chew. I only have plankton.
That’s pretty deceptive.
I know it’s very misleading. Do you have any plankton?
I’ll go and check over here.
Do you happen to have a bucket or a hose bro? I need to get wet ASAP.
Are you pretty parched?
I’m parched as and I’m beached bro.
You’re beached as!
I know…

People Behind the Scenes

The video was put together by Jarod Green from Bean Productions, written and performed by Antony McFarlane and Nick Boshier. There’s an online store producing all the goods that go with the video.

8 Replies to “Beached As Whale in New Zealand”

  1. i would much rather say fish & chips than fush and chups..
    aw new i just walked over the judder bars in my jandles carrring thus huvvvy chully bun!
    make sure you bring your duvet cuz you might gut chully!

  2. ‘New Zild’
    You might want to know what you are writing about before attempting to write such a poorly written and ill informed piece.

  3. Matt. If you’re disturbed by the use of the phrase “New Zild”, you must be unaware of the classic book, “New Zild and How to Speak It” published by Arch Acker in 1966, in response to “Strine: Let Stalk Strine and Nose Tone Unturned” by Afferbeck Lauder (Alistair Morrison). It’s a reference to the tendency of New Zealanders to clip the words, missing out the vowels.

    And what do you know about this video that needs to be said?

  4. Too right – I live in England, with two Kiwi house mates over here playing cricket – One of their mates is from Gisborne and sounds so much like the whale it’s untrue!

Leave a Reply