Postkiwi Duncan Macleod

I grew up in Southland, at the bottom of New Zealand’s South Island, but have not lived there since 1985. First years were spent in rural Central Southland, and I came back to Invercargill to take on a youth worker position after four years at Otago University. Now I’m back for a family reunion over the weekend. The experience so far hasn’t been disappointing. The weather has delivered the so familiar cold south westerly with occasional showers. The temperature today reached 15 degrees, slightly warmer than the top of 10 earlier this week. The friendliness of the place is solid, heard in the tooting of horns as people see their friends and family driving by. Despite the Southern reserve which keeps some people from being over talkative there’s still some good conversation to be had.

Here’s a few clues about life here, posted on Facebook and other such places…

You know you’re from Southland when:

1. You’ve ever left work early on a week day to drive to Central Otago because the Jimmy’s Pie store in Roxburgh isn’t open on weekends. (not me)
2. You’ve ever spent a summer fruit picking (Yes – in Roxburgh in 1983)
3. You’ve ever spent a summer hauling boxes at a freezing works (not me)
4. You own a pair of navy blue Canterbury track pants with zips up the side (I certainly used to)
5. You’ve ever worn the Canterbury pants rolled up to the knee in summer (Yep)
6. You’ve been forced to organize a hall party in some podunk Southland town because the Invercargill halls banned parties in them (Didn’t live in Invercargill)
7. Shearing shed parties (Worked in a shearing gang and have been to one or two)
8. You have been to a Teretonga Party, and look back now with horror (Motor racing track. Not me).
9. You have been camping over New Year at the Arrowtown bull ring, and look back now with horror (Camped at the Arrowtown Camping Ground 1984 and 1985).
10. Speights (Yes. It’s big here and I can drink it.)
11. The biggest excitement of the year was deciding which Central Otago hot spot to go to for New Years (I was usually busy running holiday programs and cafes in Central Otago hot spots)
12. Second biggest excitement of the year was when the A&P show was on (Agricultural & Pastoral Show. Yeahhhh!….)
13. You’ve shown your pet lamb/calf in the A&P show (Never had a pet lamb or calf. We were into selling or eating our lambs).
14. The opening of duck-shooting is more exciting than Christmas (Too right! The smell of gunpowder and burnt feathers is certainly worth waiting for.)
15. A friend with accommodation hook ups in Queenstown is pretty much the most valuable friend you can have. (Yes. We used to have a family house in Kelvin Heights. I’m no longer worth knowing).
16. You routinely ate your body weight in cheese rolls as a child. (As a teenager actually).
17. No one you live with outside of the Deep South has heard of cheese rolls. (Once you cross the Waitaki river they’re no longer on the menu at cafes.)
18. You have been to both Deep Cove and Borland Lodge on a school camp. (Deep Cover in 1974. Borland Lodge camp for us was cancelled because of the previous year’s bad behaviour).
19. Everyone knows everyone, and if you don’t then you at least went to high school with their relative. (In NZ it’s 2 degrees of separation. In Southland it’s one degree).
20. Kaye Kake Kitchen caramel slice offcuts for $1 a bag, hell yes (I sourced my caramel square from my aunt’s kitchen).
21. You remember when The Makarewa went to #1 on the Hot 9 at 9. (No)
22. It’s ‘luxing’ not vacuuming (Yes it was. Just like it was nuggeting not shoe shining).
23. You were really good at answering the Bertie Budgie question of the day on 4ZA. (I remember the Bertie Budgie birthday calls which are apparently still going).
24. You’ve ever broken a limb falling on a sports field that is literally rock hard frozen in winter. (I certainly have a few scars on my knees from playing rugby on ice.)
25. Getting drunk in the bushes at Sandy Point (As a youthworker I had to keep an eye out for this).
26. You think this is cold? Trust me, this isn’t cold. (This is what I tell my friends in Australia. When the inside of the windows are frosted up in the morning, and you have ice crystals forming around your nose, that’s cold.)
27. You’ve ever poured a jug of freshly boiled water over your car bonnet to try and warm the engine so your car will start in winter, or poured water over the windscreen to defrost it and had it re-freeze on you in seconds. (Yes that is annoying when that happens.)
28. You’ve picked up at The Shack (No.)
29. Every time you go out in Invers you see people you haven’t seen in years. (It’s true.)
30. Your Southern accent is impossible to shake. (I have tried but it seems to come back quickly).