Father’s Day
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every fatherhood in heaven and on earth takes its name
Eph 3:14-15
Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, the Son can do nothing on his own, but only what he sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father a does, the Son does likewise. The Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing; and he will show him greater works than these, so that you will be astonished. Indeed, just as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whomever he wishes. The Father judges no one but has given all judgment to the Son, so that all may honor the Son just as they honor the Father. Anyone who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him. Very truly, I tell you, anyone who hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life, and does not come under judgment, but has passed from death to life.
John 6:19-23
“My Dad has to be in a wheelchair but he can do most anything. Except walk and play sprts. But I wouldn’t trade him for anybody, even Mark McGwire!”
Paul
“I love it when he told me about what happened before he became a teacher. His dad really wanted him to be a shoe salesman like him but my dad went to college. When I think of that I know how strong he is.
Megan
(taken from ‘Me & my Dad’ Compiled and Illustrated by Stuart Hample)
In the mid 1970s the Mattel toy company wanted to market a family of dolls called ‘The Heart Family’ with Dad, Mum and two kids. When testing the dolls with children, many of the children took the Father dolls, put them aside and played with the rest of the dolls. When asked ‘What about the Father doll?’ they replied ‘He’s at work’, and left the doll untouched in a corner!
from ‘Manhood’ by Steve Biddulph (abridged).
How many dad’s are untouched in the corner today?
Whether through work, divorce, out with the mates, violence, couldn’t be bothered, too hard …
The list of reasons could go on for ages – but the result is always the same, generations of children (especiially boys) raised mostly, if not soley by their mums.
Now mums have done a fantastic job and I am certainly not knocking them, but the question remains ‘Where have all the father’s gone … long time passing … they opted out every one … when will they ever learn, when will they ever learn’ (thanks Pete Seeger!)
When I walk around the streets of my community (Deception Bay), talk with mums at playgroup, or kids at kids club, I often hear stories of dads who are not there – either not at all, or dad’s who who live at home but are not part of their kid’s life.
I could go and talk about the effects that this has on children, famiies and whole communities – but it will suffice to say that
sick fathers = sick communities
(you could put sick mothers = sick communities, but I think that there is little doubt that on the whole mothering is much more healthy than fathering)
I think of myself as a Dad and my two boys Jordan and Micah (2 & 7 mths – they are beautiful! … mostly) and I think what sort of dad to I want to be – what role model of Fathering is going to help me?
Hence the two passages above.
Ephesians
Here Paul is about to embark on a prayer for the Ephesians and he starts off with this strange line which you have to ask – why put it in a prayer at all? Paul uses this phrase to establish God’s authority/power – God is God and every other authority/power comes from him. For our purposes we are interested less in the naming of God as source of authority and power than the idea that all power/authority including our own fatherhood takes its name and origin from God.
Conclusion – our fatherhood (which is an exercise in our power and authority in our family relationships) takes its origin in God’s fatherhood – this is to say more than just we should be Godly fathers, but the whole concept of fatherhood takes place within the relationships of the trinue God. That is – the real Fatherhood is of God the Father in his fatherhood of Jesus (note that while I use ‘his’ I by no means mean that God is male in any way, even when talking fatherhood – we are talking a relationship not a gender). This is why Jesus says ‘call no man Father, execpt your Father in heaven’ and why he says that when we lose families for Jesus sake we will receive a hundredfold ‘mothers, brothers and sisters’ note no fathers!
This may be a hard concept for us as Father’s to grasp (especially on Father’s day) but we need to acknowledge that there is only one true Father of our children – and that is God the Father. We take our fatherhood from his – as a gift and a responsibility.
This leave the question, that if we take our fatherhood from the true Father of our children, then what sort of father do we have to be to live within God’s Fatherhood?
John
Go back to the top and read this passage again – but as you read it don’t let your eyes glaze over! Read it not as a theological treatise but as a statement about the relationship between a Father and a Son.
When I read this passage in this way I go all warm & fuzzy inside! I think of me working out in the garden with my son, Jordan, and how he just wants to do what he sees his dad doing (however unhelpful this may be to me!). He copies everything I do, uses the tools I use and cannot bear to be out of my sight so that he can’t see what I am doing, and so that I can see how well he is doing everything with is continual ‘Daddy, watch!’. And I think how when anyone says something good about Jordan, I feel good inside and how protective I am if there is any criticism …
This is the quality of relationship (times infinity!) that I see in Jesus words. Here is a child who adores his father, who will do nothing other than what his father shows him. And here is a father who holds nothing back from his child. Who show his child everything that he is and has to offer.
To have a Father/child relationship like this! What a dream – but if I take Paul’s words seriously – this is the relationship that God is calling me to, to live out part of God’s Fatherhood for these children that God has gifted me with.
So what do I take practically from this? What do I need to do (the bottom line …)
Presence and Oneness
Presence
The first and most obvious requirement is of TIME, but not just time without involvement. Presence means being there and available, physically, practically and emotionally. How else can I show my child all of me and who I am unless I spend heaps of time hanging out with them – playing, working, doing the shopping, holding them when they are sick, changing their nappies, disciplining them when they step out of line.
Jesus tells how his Father has show him everything of who he is and how he works, how, is a mystery for us, but the point being is that the Fatherhood from whom we take ours holds nothing back from his children and is involved in every aspect of their lives.
Today, the biggest issue is dads off loading their responsibilities to mums (or mums thinking to be the perfect mum that they have to do everything). There is no dad’s work or mum’s work when it comes to the practicalities of rasing children (ok – except breast feeding and having the baby!). Changing nappies, feeding, playing, clothing, disciplining we MUST be involved in all of it. Who we are in the practicalities is different to mum’s – but there is no escaping the fact that we MUST be involved.
For Dad’s reading this – that is MUST – no ifs, no buts, and definitively no ‘that women’s stuff …’
But going along with the doing of the stuff is the showing of the being – we have to show who we are – our thoughts, morals, reasons, feelings (not just anger) we have to help our children know what is right and wrong, good and decent and why. We have to show them everything because they will try to be like us and if we are shallow and show no depth … pity the children.
Oneness
Secondly, related to this presence we see and oneness of purpose, values, character and being between God the Father and Jesus (if you have seen me you have seen the Father …) – this is scary stuff for us. Do I want my kids to grow up like i REALLY am – not juts the me that I put on in public …?
What sort of person am i trying to be? There can be no put on with kids, they see us as we really are – and that truly is a scary thought, but the grace of God is that they love us anyway!
In this oneness we see a Father who does not see himself as separate to his child, but intrinsically related and part of (i guess since they are God they are ontologically the same being). So much so that the Father is quite happy to give over his responsibilities (judgment, eternal life etc .. the usual dad jobs!) to his child and hold nothing back. So much so the Father wants the child to share in all his honour, and that to honour the child is to honour the father, and is honouring the child is dishonouring the Father.
This oneness is probably the most threatening aspect of fatherhood for many guys – you are called to be in essential oneness with your child – not to maintain your distance and retreat to be with your mates when ever things get tough. Sure we need our mates for friendship and support, but not as a place to run away to when we can’t cope so that we can leave the mother to deal with it. Your are called to see yourself and your child as sharing an essential unity and oneness that is sacred.
Oh … and the God bit …
Lastly, we take from John’s passage the uniqueness of Jesus and his Father – God alone has the power of judgment and life and he shares that with his Son Jesus – so when we follow Jesus we come into that relationship with his Father that he has. We find that we have a Father who holds nothing back from us, who love us unconditionally, who wants to show us all that he is.
It sounds too good to be true – but that this is the relationship with God that Jesus promises us when we follow him. Jesus promises us that when we follow him, we get to share in his relationship with God …
that God would be a daddy to us … and not like a human daddy but the perfect daddy that we can always go to when hurt, sad, happy, proud, who shares all our joys and fears and holds nothing of his love back from us …
Sound to be good to be true? That is why it is GOSPEL – GOOD NEWS
I for one can’t think of any better news this Father’s day than that I have a God who is my daddy.
All I pray is that I might be a daddy like him to my boys.
Amen